I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
