I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
