Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
