is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
