As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
