So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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