You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
