I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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