well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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