Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We need to get me chipped asap
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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