Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
