i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
