My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
