i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
