you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I need to calm my uterus...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
