How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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