My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
