My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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