so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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