So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
