It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
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