he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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