do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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