dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
