Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
That's when you crack a 10am beer
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
