i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
