I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
