I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Randomize
