How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
where are you?
Hypothermia
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
