I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
