dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
