If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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