Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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