i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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