you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
