hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
