hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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