You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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