The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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