that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
