I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
her vagine was all disorganized.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
