My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
