i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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