i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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