genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
