I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
