...so i touched it.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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