need another drink. this is the easiest way
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
