so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
