just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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